Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Art of the Hurl

I have a couple of bloggy friends who have taken the art of the give-away to a new level. Tanielle and Xazmin have a give-away going on like you've never seen before. Tanielle is expecting baby #5 and is having a real time trying to get off the porcelain telephone. Her children actually keep track of her cookie tossing episodes.

Well, here's the funny part: She is having a 100th throw-up give away. She is giving away a barf bag decorated and filled by Tanielle the Queen of Lunch Launching herself. No! Not filled with puke! Nasty, what were you thinking?

She is not only the Queen of launched lunches but also the Queen of Craft Cuteness. Pictures I've seen of her home look like she lives in a Boutique and every time she has a give away I come away with aching fingers from excessive crossing. Trust me you want to click on her name Tanielle of Polka Dot Daisy and enter yourself to win the coveted Barf Bag.

Now that Hurling is on my mind I'd like to share with you some of my Cookie Tossing experiences and also send you to my sisters blog to read about her stories of extensive vacation vomit.

I know that I was a consistent childhood honker and when I was expecting my youngest (9 yrs ago) my 6 year old always stood in the bathroom door with a look of loving concern on her brow. But I'm going to share with you some more recent memories.

We'll call them Migraine Moments.

Migraine Moments bring with them a motion sickness that requires no actual physical motion. No. As long as someone somewhere in the world is moving, if I'm working on building a migraine then that motion will make me sick.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone.

Wonderful book. Exciting movie. Horrible motion filled Quidditch scenes. You may think that movie was not in 3D but my brain very clearly remembers Scarlet robed wizards flying their brooms through the screen and slamming into my cerebral vortex.

If I catch it soon enough, I can usually kill a migraine with some caffeine and ibuprofen. So I dragged myself down to concessions for a large pop. Anything with caffeine would do. Since I had used the last of my cash to get the kids and I into the movie I would have to use my debit card. Their ATM's were down and I was desperate. A manager kindly understood my plight and gave me a $5.00 gift certificate for a drink. I took my pill and guzzled the soda but on the drive home that empty cup was used as a different kind of receptacle. Yes, I am so skilled at food reversal that I was driving and tossing cookies at the same time. And from the backseat I heard a young voice say, "Mom, are you throwing up?"


I have a friend named Heather who is a wonderful decorator and mother. We decided to take a trip to Ikea for some shopping and ideas. At about lunch time my head started to hurt so I bought a Coke and took some Ibuprofen.

Lunch at Ikea is amazing. We had Swedish Meatballs and new potatoes with Lingon Berries. That just might be my favorite thing about Ikea. But then there are the frames, furniture, dishes, kitchen gadgets, toys, ...hmmm I love it all.

Still, with a little nagging in my head I thought I would be fine on the 2 hour ride home. Soon I found myself emptying a shopping bag to hold on my lap. Sweating. Turning on the AC. And... just as we took the exit into our own fair city; losing the lovely lunch I had so happily ingested only 2 short hours earlier. Luckily the bag had no holes and Heather quickly pulled into a parking lot so I could get my bearings.

My children have become accustomed to pulling over to the side of the road. And frantically searching the car for something disposable and empty to give Mom. But the thing I hate the most about my history of public puking is that those same loving children can now mimic the disturbing din of dismissal that they hear at those notorious times and think it's quite hilarious to relive.


Linda said...

Leave it to you to write such a humorous post about such a horrible feeling. I hope you haven't named any of your kids "Chuck"!

mike J said...

You are one righteous ralpher! Nice post

everydayMOM said...

OH... Jenny, Jenny... a pregnant woman and a barfing post? I could barely read the whole thing without feeling like I was going to lose it. =]

Joy For Your Journey said...

Oh, how horrible!! You wrote about it very well though! :-) My brother used to get migraines and would always throw up. I have never had them, thankfully, as I did enough emptying my stomach when I was pregnant--five times for all nine months.

Tanja said...

Nice post! You're too funny! And I think I'm starting to get sick (again)... When I walked in JJ's room this morning I found him sitting in a massive amount of dried up crusty puke - can you imagine the nice smell? This happened sometime last night but for some reason he decided to go back to sleep rather than calling for help... I ended up taking his stuffed animals, 5 blankets and everything else outside, where I hosed everything off before putting it in the washer. The smell was so terrible, the poor baby had to take 2 baths to get rid of it. anyhow, as soon as I finished cleaning up he did it again. It's 3 pm now and I hope he's done, I've been cleaning up chunks all day. Thanks for the funny post though :-)

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Oh now that is awful and funny at the same time. Who knew public puking could be so entertaining for kids?

I have a friend who was in mcD's drive-thru and suddenly felt ill. As soon as the lady handed her her large drink, she tossed the pop out and hurled into the cup. Later she found out she was pregnant.

Anonymous said...

Jenny,I knew this but haven't heard all the stories...hilarious!!!Amber has something in common with you....the High School janitor knew Amber by name!!!LOL!!!Shelly

Xazmin said...

I'm so sorry for my puking friends! I am so blessed to almost never throw up. Seriously. I have only barfed a handful of times in my entire life.

One time in Middle school though, my best friend and I were at the amusement park, and we chewed up BBQ chips and got mouthfuls of orange soda, swished it all together, and pretended we were puking as we spit it out in the bushes. We thought we were hilarious!

Dawn said...

This is so funny even if the subject makes me sick!! Pun intended. An gym trainer told a friend that when you get a terrible headache, drink a quart of water because a lot of headaches come when your brain gets dehydrated. They said it really works!! I don't know about poor little Jenny-Jenny, though!! I hope you didn't inherit migraine genes from anyone!!

Tanielle said...

I love this!!! Thank-you sooo much for joining in the fun with this most disgusting giveaway! What a way to spend a Monday morning reading some awesome puke stories!:-)

Now I'm heading over to your sisters! Have a wonderful day!